Most people get engaged and married assuming they know a lot about each other. They may have had a few disagreements when they were dating, but they always managed to work with issues out quickly.
In many cases the couple has already lived together, so they assume that getting married will just be an extension of this. However, there are differences between cohabitation, dating and being married. One very important difference has to do with the expectation and understanding that each person has about marriage as it applies to their roles and responsibilities.
Understanding the Underlying Issues
At Marriage Couples Counseling & Life Coaching in New York City our premarital counselors are experts at helping engaged or dating couples to talk to each other about those expectations and understandings.
Sometimes, through the counseling process, the couple-to-be finds they have a mutually compatible way of handling issues and how they expect to interact with each other in the marriage. More often than not there are some slight disagreements or variances, but through working through discussions and exercises, the couple can set healthy boundaries and expectations to create a similar vision of their lives together.
Less frequently we see couples who have a lot of differences in their expectations around the relationship. Often these couples are unaware of these differences because they have never had conversations or have never been honest and open with each other around these topics.
These couples can work with our premarital counselors to create a mutually agreeable and unified vision of their relationship. In some situations, they may decide that the relationship, at least at this time, is not a healthy choice. Our therapists can provide support with this decision as well.
Knowing How to Talk
A very big focus in premarital counseling is to learn about each other and how to talk to each other. This includes how to share your ideas and needs as well as your concerns and objections. It also means learning how to listen and respond so you both have the chance to talk and be heard rather than ending conversations in anger and frustration.
With these tools and skills, couples are more prepared to handle the issues that come up in life. These are not skills you will use just once, but they are the foundation of healthy communication before you are married and the source of a strong marriage as you move into the future together.
