Marriage isn’t always easy. It isn’t always lazy days in bed, romantic getaways, and boundless, endless love. While marriages have these moments, they, like people, often go through peaks and valleys. Sometimes your marriage is going to be difficult and may even seem impossible. So, with these dark patches in mind, we’ve come up with seven things you need to remember about marriage. Memorize these pieces of marriage advice, and turn to them when things get tough.
Love is a Choice
Although pop culture – and thousands of years of romantic poetry – have tried their best to convince us otherwise, love is a choice. You choose to love your partner, just like you choose to love yourself. There is no shortage of obstacles in the way of this choice (anger, jealousy, insecurity, and fear, to name a few), but that doesn’t mean the choice is impossible. Choose to love your spouse every day. Bonus marriage help: tell your spouse you’re choosing them and their love.
Healthy Marriages Require Work
Remember the old truism that anything in life worth having is worth working for? Marriage is the same. You’re going to have to work. This work takes on different forms depending on where you are in your marriage at any given time. Sometimes the work is minor like cooking breakfast in bed for your partner just because. Sometimes the work is major like improving unhealthy communication patterns. Regardless, you and your partner will have to have to do some work.
Fights Happen
Relationships are made up of people and guess what? People are complicated creatures who can, and do, disagree, get hurt, and fight. An important piece of marriage advice is to remember this simple fact. Just because you’re fighting with your spouse doesn’t mean the relationship is over.
Talking About Money is Hard but Necessary
Talking to your partner about money – and all the fears and insecurities that money brings with it – isn’t easy. You still have to do it. Don’t worry if the conversation isn’t perfect (remember fights happen!) or if the conversation is difficult. The long-term benefit to your marriage is well worth some moments of being uncomfortable.
Everyone Communicates Differently
Maybe you’re more of a direct communicator – you say what you think and mean what you say. Your spouse might be the polar opposite. Guess what? That’s okay! Everyone communicates in different ways. Your spouse’s communication style is as unique as they are. Learn how they communicate (which is more than simply talking) and show them how you do things, as far as communication is concerned. Bonus marriage help – work on improving communication with marriage counseling.
Treat the Problem NOT the Symptom
While it’s often tempting to focus on the symptom of marriage problems (fights, infidelity, emotional distance), that will only get you so far. More important than any individual issue are the larger, deeper reasons the issue is occurring in the first place. This is more complicated than simply placing a band-aid on the wound, but it’s also healthier. Remember this marriage advice, and you’ll find yourself and your partner healthier than ever.
Bonus: Marriage Counseling Helps
Bonus marriage help – marriage counseling helps. In fact, it’s one of the best things you can do for your relationship. Many people think that therapy and counseling are just for marriages in a sustained rough patch. It can help in those situations, but it can also help make any marriage happier and healthier.
Call Andre Moore today at (212) 673-4618 if you need the premier marriage counseling in New York City. With over 25 years of experience, Andre and the team at Marriage Couples Counseling & Life Coaching are here to help you and your partner love better.
