Marriage is often believed to be a time when you can begin to plan a family with the love of your life. Unfortunately, for many people, infertility is a reality which can leave their relationship devastated. For some, the issues which infertility brings up – stress, increased isolation and a breakdown of communication – can lead to the end of the marriage. Here is what you need to know about the secret shame: is infertility hurting your marriage?
Common Stressors from Infertility
Stress When Trying to Conceive
This may seem obvious, but one of the biggest ways in which infertility can have a negative impact on your marriage is when it comes to conceiving a child. Sex is supposed to be a way to feel closer to your partner, but the stress of infertility can quickly lead to issues. This is especially true when you and your spouse are trying to plan, or time, your intercourse to correlate with her ovulation. In fact, research has shown that timed intercourse – or planning sex around an ovulation schedule – leads to a significant increase in sexual dysfunction. For the man, it may seem like you can do nothing right and for the woman. It may seem like there is no hope.
Stress from Suffering in Silence
Suffering from infertility can lead to a wide range of feelings and emotions. Perhaps you feel like you are letting not only yourself but also your partner down. Maybe you feel like a failure. Or, perhaps you feel like you are all alone. When facing infertility, it may seem daunting to share your condition with other people. After all, admitting to your spouse that you have fertility issues is difficult enough. Unfortunately, many choose to suffer in silence instead of seeking professional help for their problems. Speaking to your doctor, as well as a licensed couple’s counselor, however, can help you realize that there are solutions to your problem and you don’t have to let it destroy the fabric of your marriage.
What often happens in the face of this kind of stress is that lovers get caught in a compass of shame that they cycle around over and over again in inner torment as it eats away at their souls and the emotional safety they have created together.
Couples Therapy to Help You and Your Partner Communicate
When you suspect that you or your partner may be suffering from infertility, your or your lover’s compass of shame may be triggered and you may feel like the person you know and love has changed in a disturbing and frightening way. When the warning signs of the compass of shame (withdrawal, attacking his or her self, avoidance or attacking you) appear, it’s important to realize that what’s happening is an onslaught of shame that can overcome either you or your lover and eat away at your souls.
In hard times like these, Marriage Couples Counseling in New York City can help cope with the shame that arises in either of you over fertility problems. Call us today at 212-673-4618 for the help you need.
