Common Ways Couples Kill Off the Fireworks

Being in love is one of the greatest feelings a person can ever experience. Unfortunately, falling out of love is one of the worst. There are certain behaviors which can lead to that loss of spark – many are small things we may not even notice. Fortunately, there are steps you can take to rekindle your flame. Here are four ways that couples kill off the fireworks in relationships.

Not Feeling Secure

Not feeling secure in your relationship is one of the worst offenders when it comes to killing off the fireworks. If you aren’t confident in the strength of your love, or maybe think your significant other has fallen out of love and is considering a breakup, how can you expect to maintain the romantic vibes?

It’s important to remember that while you may feel that a breakup is imminent, it doesn’t make it so. It is essential to take a step back and really evaluate your romantic situation. This includes communicating with each other to ensure you are on the same page. That way, if your love is strong, you can be confident – and reignite that passion!

Ways Couples Kill Off the FireworkPhone Overload

We are all guilty of it but spending too much time staring at our phones or another smart device is seriously killing the romantic fireworks. While blankly staring at the screen or sifting through texts or tweets may sound like a great way to unwind after a tough day, it is really disconnecting you from your partner.

Dr. Traci Stein, a clinical psychologist, tells online magazine Bustle, “staring at your phone never bothers the person doing it, but it can be really disengaging and off-putting. I see couples at restaurants where one or both are tapping away at the phone and basically ignoring each other.” Instead of being a zombie, take the time to engage with your partner and connect with them.

Taking Each Other for Granted

One of the worst ways to destroy the fireworks is to take each other for granted. In relationships, it is far too easy to become complacent and comfortable. When this happens, the sparks may no longer fly like they used to. Don’t forget to “woo” your partner whenever you can. This includes being selfless, consistent, and honest. Great relationships produce great fireworks. But great relationships also take time – and work!

Constantly Complaining

Nagging and complaining is a huge turn-off for everyone, so cut it out! Complaining about everything, from work to finances, to every small little detail, can really dampen the spark that used to exists. After all, who really likes constant negativity? Sure, feeling comfortable to express your feelings Is great, but you need to be considerate for your partner’s feelings as well.

While any or all of the above can weaken the love you have for one another, research by social psychologist J. M. Gottman, reported in What Predicts Divorce, has shown that it’s not angry exchanges that lead to divorce but four kinds of negativity that corrode the love you have for each other.
The following four behaviors increase the odds of getting a divorce to 85%:
          1. Criticism: Attacking your lover’s character.
          2. Defensiveness: Denying responsibility when you screw up.
          3. Contempt: Insulting, abusive comments to your lover, and

  1. Stonewalling: Emotionally withdrawing and not listening to your lover.

    Adding six more negatives increases the odds to 90%:

          1. Emotional distancing and isolation.
          2. Emotional flooding: Overwhelming each other with the other’s stress.
          3. Overestimating the severity of problems.
          4. Refusal to work out problems.
          5. Living parallel lives.
          6. Feeling lonely all the time.

Contact an Experienced NYC Couple’s Counselor Today

Talking to a couple’s counselor may seem intimidating, but counselors are specially trained to help you both feel at ease and able to express yourself openly and honestly. A key question that a trained counselor will always encourage you to answer is:

What is it about me that would make it difficult for another person to be with me?

Expert counseling can be the difference between a love that lasts and a love that fades. Don’t let common issues get between you and your love. Seek a marriage and couple’s counselor today.

If you and your partner feel that you need help dealing with issues which may arise in your relationship, Marriage Couples Counseling in NYC has the tools to open the lines of communication and help your relationship flourish. Don’t hesitate to give us a call today at 212-673-4618. Life may not be perfect, but that doesn’t mean that your love can’t be just right!

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