You have taken the first step to improve your relationship by making that first appointment. Of course you are nervous about what to expect at that first appointment. There are three unique goals at your first meeting.
- Making the meeting area a safety zone for everyone to be able to talk about their feelings.
- Getting to know who you are as a couple.
- Getting individual family history.
These three goals are in place to help your counselor come up with a unique plan for you and your partner. By collecting this information, a plan can be designed that will best suit your relationship goals.
Making the Meeting Area a Safety Zone
Couples argue. That likely is not a great revelation to you, but the fact that you often say things out of anger—and that this does not truly reflect your needs—may be. When you speak to people in the grocery store, you are typically much more respectful than when you speak to your partner. Your counselor’s first order of business is to make sure that everyone involved can speak about their feelings without using criticism. Reframing the arguments so that you can see what the underlying feelings are will provide you with a way to feel valued and able to speak. It is not your counselor’s job to take sides and admonish one partner or the other. It is your counselor’s job to open up healthy communication.
Getting to Know You as a Couple
Figuring out who you are as a couple starts with learning your story. Questions like how you met and when you realized you were in love can help your counselor get to know you both better. While the questions are being answered and you are listening, it helps you remember what you are fighting for.
Getting Individual Family History
You are the culmination of your lifetime of experiences. Sharing what your life was like up until the point you met your partner can shed quite a bit of light on what you need from your relationship. A family genogram can be created for you and used as a reference tool to help build a better relationship.
Your first meeting is an important meeting where your future meetings will be mapped out. Come prepared to do some work. The hard part is over if you have made the decision to improve your relationship and have made your appointment.
