The key question is always: Why are you or your lover having the affair?
The person having the affair is usually looking for a level of intimacy, novelty, feeling desirble, a feeling of being alive again.
It’s absolutely crucial for the betrayed lover to shift from being the investigator of the hows and whens of what actually happened to curiosity about why it happened, the motivation of the betraying lover and being open to understanding.
The vast majority of affairs can be explained by answering the question: What was the betraying lover trying to get that he or she wasn’t getting at home?
Answering this question in terms of the betraying lover taking responsibility for his or her actions and the betrayed lover understanding how his or her behavior contributed to the betrayal can lead to forgiveness, healing and a deeper, richer relationship.
Watch Fiona True of the Ackerman Institute make these points in her excellent YouTube Video on Affairs.
