André Anthony Moore, LMFT

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (New York State License: 001435)

Ketamine and Psychedelic Assisted Therapist certified by The Integrative Psychiatry Institute Practitioner of Eye Movement, Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

Use Nonverbal Sensorimotor Techniques to deepen Emotionally Focused Therapy

Why the Sex is so Good in “Blue is the Warmest Color”

The longest sex scene in Blue is the Warmest Color, a deliciously erotic, explicitly graphic display of the intense emotional and physical hunger that two beautiful women, Adele and Emma, have for each other, lasts a full seven minutes.The kind of sex being dramatized in this scene is a consequence of the deep emotional connection established earlier between the two lovers, well before they jump into bed together.

They spend time talking about their lives, their knowledge of art and philosophy. Emma, in her fourth year in Beaux Arts, makes an intriguing sketch of Adele in a park.

 2. Hannah and Emma

When I do a portrait, she tells Adele, I choose a detail; a fold of the lips, an emotion in the eyes. What Sartre called the mysterious weakness of a man’s face.

 3. Hannah

And Emma’s sketch captures a deeper sadness and vulnerability in Adele’s face

4. Drawing of Hannah

In the park and on a subsequent picnic, they discover intellectual, philosophical and esthetic similarities and differences that they can share and celebrate together. They spoof Sartre’s famous dictum that existence precedes essence by playfully agreeing that orgasm precedes essence.

5. Adele and Emma on picnick

When they finally do make love, their lovemaking is much more than holding, kissing, caressing and sucking. It’s as if they breath in the essence of each other.

5. Hanna and Emma

 This kind of rich, delicious sex is only possible with a deep, emotional connection.

 7. Adelle and Emma

  10, Adele and Emma

11. Adele and Emma

What can be learned by contrasting the sex portrayed in Blue is the Warmest Color with that portrayed in HBO’s Girls?

Recall Hannah who makes a half-hearted effort at a deeper emotional connection with her boyfriend Adam but lapses into role playing his sexual fantasies in which he dominates her.

         2. hbo-bad-sex-hannah-adam

And Marnie, who can barely hide her frustration when she has sex with her boyfriend Charlie and makes him do doggy because she can’t stand to look at him while they fuck.

6._Bad_Sex_Marnie_and_Charlie    7._Bad_Sex_Marnie_and_Charlie   8._Bad_Sex_Marnie_and_Chalie

And Shoshanna, the most un-virginy virgin in the whole world, having her first sexual experience with an old childhood buddy from camp as if he were subjecting her to a physical examination.



Sue Johnson in Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, describes three possible kinds of sex:

Sealed Off Sex which has only purpose: To reduce sexual tension and achieve orgasm. The whole focus is on sensation and performance. Any emotional bond with the other person is secondary. It happens most often with those who haven’t learned to trust and feel unsafe with their partners.

Solace Sex in which the partners are seeking reassurance that they’re truly valued as persons. Here the sex is secondary and the main emotion fueling the sexual desire is anxiety. This kind of sex often leads to cuddling or spooning to relieve the anxiety.

Sychrony Sex. This one is the gold standard. It’s when emotional openness, responsiveness, tender touch and erotic exploration all come together in a synchronous feast that feels much like a tango in which each partner moves in sync with the other. It’s when sex is about making love and not just about working out with your genitals.

Which of these three types of sex is being dramatized in Blue is the Warmest Color and HBO’s Girls? You be the judge.

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