André Anthony Moore, LMFT

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (New York State License: 001435)

Ketamine and Psychedelic Assisted Therapist certified by The Integrative Psychiatry Institute Practitioner of Eye Movement, Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

Use Nonverbal Sensorimotor Techniques to deepen Emotionally Focused Therapy

What To Do After The Years When The Passion Fades

New couples yearn for a love that lasts, and people marry in the hope of staying together forever. However, after a few years, they might realize that their love for their partner, while still there, does not seem as intense as when their relationship began. As distressing as this may sound, it’s normal and natural for someone’s feelings to settle down after the honeymoon period, and there are definitely ways to keep those sparks flying – not just sexually, but romantically. Here’s some advice for what to do after the years when the passion fades.

Make Passion a Goal

When two people fall for each other, they find it hard to stay apart. However, after a few years of living together, you might find it easier to focus on other things like work and raising the kids. You shouldn’t allow your relationship to stay in the background – you have to make sure it remains important in your life. Otherwise, you’re taking it, and your partner, for granted, which never feels good.

You and your loved one need to try to make time for each other, each day. Even if you’ve had a long and busy day, and even if you feel like you don’t have much time, strive to set aside a few moments together. Ask how your partner’s day was, or what they’ve been up to lately. Eat a meal together and help each other cook. Go to bed at the same time, even if you sleep later. Even small gestures can remind your partner – and yourself – that you still love and care about each other, and these reminders sustain long-term relationships.

Go on Dates

Meeting up and going out somewhere feels fresh and invigorating at the start of the relationship. It’s a chance to get to know someone better and make some new memories together. Even years later, after knowing each other well and making many memories, going on dates can still be exciting if you and your partner find ways to keep it fresh.

If you haven’t gone out in some time, start going out again. After all, settling down does not mean staying at home all the time. If you still go on dates, do something that you have not done together before. Eat at new restaurants, travel to new places, surprise your partner. Variety is the spice of life, and it can spice up your love life as well.

Touch More

New couples stereotypically relish in all kinds of touching: holding hands, holding each other, kissing, snuggling, and so on. How often do you and your partner do any of this now? If your answer is “huh, not that often,” then you may want to rekindle that intimacy. No one should underestimate how much they need to feel the touch of another person

This doesn’t necessarily need to be sexual, though it can reach that point. The point is just to touch more than in the past. Surprise your partner with a hug from behind. Pop kisses on their forehead, cheeks, lips, or elsewhere. Hold hands, or just make your hands touch with theirs. If you or your significant other feels too tired for sex, there’s nothing more intimate and less physically demanding than cuddling. Increasing the amount of time you make physical contact with your loved one reminds them not only that you find them attractive, but that you love them.

If you seek more advice from professionals about reigniting that fire in your relationship, Marriage Couples Counseling in New York City would love to help. Call us today for an in-depth phone consultation at 212-673-4618.

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  • NAP Details:

    Marriage Couples Counseling & Life Coaching
    160 Bleecker Street, 9C East, New York, NY 10012
    (212) 673 4618