André Anthony Moore, LMFT

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (New York State License: 001435)

Ketamine and Psychedelic Assisted Therapist certified by The Integrative Psychiatry Institute Practitioner of Eye Movement, Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

Use Nonverbal Sensorimotor Techniques to deepen Emotionally Focused Therapy

Listening to Your Lover

Communication issues are one of the biggest problems in relationships. Regardless of how long you’ve been together – be it 30 days or 30 years – sometimes it can seem impossible to get through to your partner. Fortunately, there are steps which can be taken to improve the lines of communication a relationship, including talking to a licensed marriage and couples’ counselor.  Here are five tips on how to become a better listener.

Always Remember That Listening is a Win/Win Situation

For many people, listening doesn’t seem important. That’s because they think that listening is a one-way street. On the contrary, listening is a mutual activity where both parties can gain. By listening (actually listening) to your partner, you are showing them that you care. This, in turn, will lead to them listening more carefully to you when you need them most.

Don’t Listen to Be Polite – Listen to Learn

Following on from the previous point, when you listen to someone, don’t simply listen out of courtesy or politeness. Listening is more than just being considerate. It’s about taking a genuine, vested interest in what someone else is saying and using it as an opportunity to learn more about them, their problems, and how you may be able to help them.

Always Maintain Eye Contact

Maintaining eye contact isn’t an easy thing to do. Often, we avoid it because it seems confrontational. However, when you avoid keeping eye contact with loved ones when they are talking, you are giving your mind every excuse possible to neglect actually listening to them. Making a conscious effort to gradually improve your ability to maintain eye-contact will help you quickly improve your listening abilities.

Try to Ask More Questions

One of the easiest ways to improve your listening skills is to ask more questions. Often, those who are speaking may omit some of their thoughts for fear of what the other party may think of them. By asking more questions, you are creating an environment which is conducive to openness and the truth. Not only that, you are showing them that you are engaged and genuinely care about their problems.

Summarize Their Thoughts

When we listen, we sometimes zone out. This is one of the reasons why couples sometimes struggle to communicate – they feel their partner simply isn’t listening. By taking the time to briefly summarize what you took from the person speaking, you are showing them you are engaged and interested in their thoughts. It doesn’t need to be a book report. Just tell them what you took from their words and if needed, add your two cents.

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  • NAP Details:

    Marriage Couples Counseling & Life Coaching
    160 Bleecker Street, 9C East, New York, NY 10012
    (212) 673 4618