We all admire a strong partner. Someone capable, dependable, and always shows up. But here is a question worth asking: what happens to the person who loves someone like that?
What happens when your partner is so strong, so busy, so endlessly capable that there is no room left for you to be needed by them?
Ron Koertge’s poem “Kryptonite” answers that question most suddenly, with a little humor and a lot of heart. At Relationship Restoration NYC, I use poems like this one as part of my approach to help couples see themselves more clearly, what we call Poems to Love Smarter.
The Poem
Lois liked to see the bullets bounce
off Superman’s chest, and of course
she was proud when he leaned into
a locomotive and saved the crippled
orphan who had fallen on the tracks.
Yet on those long nights when he wasn’t
readjusting longitude or destroying
a meteor headed right for some nun,
Lois considered carrying just a smidgen
of kryptonite in her purse or at least
making a tincture to dab behind his ears.
She pictured his knees giving way,
the color draining from his cheeks.
He’d lie on the couch like a guy with
the flu, too weak to paint the front
porch or take out the garbage. She
could peek down his tights or draw
on his cheek with a ball point. She
might even muss his hair and slap
him around.
“Hey, what’d I do?” he’d croak just
like a regular boyfriend. At last.
What Is This Poem Really About?
It Is Funny, But Also True
On the surface, “Kryptonite” is a playful poem. The image of Lois dabbing kryptonite behind Superman’s ears like cologne, or drawing on his face with a ballpoint pen while he lies helpless on the couch, makes you smile. But sit with it a moment longer, and something important emerges.
Lois Is Not Jealous; She Is Lonely
Lois is proud of Superman. The poem says so clearly. What she is missing is something far more specific; she wants him to need her.
That last line says it all: “Just like a regular boyfriend. At last.”
The words “at last” tell you everything. She has been waiting a long time for a moment of ordinary, human closeness, and it has not come.
The Real Problem: He Cannot Be Reached
Superman is never sick. Never scared. Never needs help with anything. And while that is great for the world, it quietly shuts Lois out.
She does not want to hurt him. She just wants a few hours where he is simply her person, lying on the couch, needing a glass of water and someone to sit beside him.
What This Means for Real Relationships
Being Loved Is Not the Same as Being Needed
In real life, we see this pattern all the time. It might look like the partner who is always working and always solving problems, but who never asks for help. Or the person so capable that their spouse stopped offering support years ago, because the help was never accepted.
Over time, this creates distance. Not because of fights or betrayal, but because of absence. The absence of being truly leaned on.
This Is What We Call a “Raw Spot.”
At Relationship Restoration NYC, we use Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), developed by Dr. Sue Johnson in Hold Me Tight, to help couples identify exactly this kind of hidden pain. I call it a Raw Spot, a deep emotional sensitivity that gets quietly triggered when you feel unseen, unneeded, or unable to reach your partner.
Lois has a raw spot. It has nothing to do with kryptonite. It has everything to do with not feeling like she matters to him in the ordinary moments of life.
Vulnerability Is Not a Weakness; It Is a Bridge
When one partner is always the strong one, the other can start to feel invisible. Like their love and care are not quite enough. Like they are watching their partner through a glass window; able to see them, but never quite able to touch them.
This is why, in my sessions, I use tools like The Couples Dialogue, a structured way for partners to speak and listen without shutting each other out. It creates the space for a Superman to say, simply: I need you. And for a Lois to finally feel: I matter here.
How We Help at Relationship Restoration NYC
Turning the Kryptonite Moment into a Real Conversation
At Relationship Restoration NYC, we work with couples who are facing exactly this kind of disconnection; not a dramatic crisis, but the quiet, persistent feeling that something is missing between you.
Using approaches like:
- Ketamine and Psychedelic Therapy for Individuals and Couples
- Couples counseling using Emotionally Focused Therapy
- Marriage and Family Counseling and Therapy
- Relationship counseling and therapy
- Pre-marital Counseling issues and conflicts
- Couples Sex Therapy in the spirit of the Kamasutra
- Relationship Breakup Mediation
- Leaving Abusive Relationships
I help you find your way back to each other.
A Simple Question Worth Asking
Koertge wrote a funny poem about a comic book hero and somehow told the truth about one of the most common and least-talked-about problems in relationships: the loneliness of loving someone who never lets you in.
If you recognize yourself in this poem, whether you are more like Superman or more like Lois, it may be time to ask: Is there room in this relationship for both of you to be human?
That question alone can open up something important. And you do not have to figure it out alone.
André Anthony Moore, LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the founder of Relationship Restoration NYC. Call Andre Moore, LMFT, at (212) 673-4618 to schedule a consultation.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is Feeling Emotionally Disconnected from My Partner a Sign I Need Couples Therapy?
Yes and it is one of the most common reasons couples reach out. Many people wait until there is a major crisis before seeking couples therapy, but emotional distance, feeling unseen, or quietly longing for more closeness are just as important to address.
How Is Couples Counseling Different from Individual Therapy?
Individual therapy focuses on my personal thoughts, feelings, and history. Couples counseling focuses on what happens between you, the patterns, the silences, the moments where one person shuts down, and the other feels locked out. At Relationship Restoration NYC, my sessions are 90 minutes long, giving both partners enough time and space to be truly heard, not just managed.
What Does a Marriage Therapist Actually Do in a Session?
A good marriage therapist does not take sides or tell you what to do. Instead, I help you slow down, notice what you are both feeling beneath the surface, and begin to communicate in ways that actually reach each other.
How Long Will Couples Therapy NYC Take Before You See Real Change?
How long couples therapy takes depends on the depth of the disconnection and how consistently both partners engage with the process. Some couples notice a meaningful shift within just a few sessions. Others benefit from several months of work, especially when long-standing patterns like emotional unavailability are involved. Weekly sessions tend to build the most momentum, particularly at the start.
Not in Crisis: Is Marriage Counseling Still Right for You?
Absolutely. Marriage counseling is not only for couples on the edge of separation. Many couples come to Relationship Restoration NYC simply because you want to feel closer, communicate better, or break a pattern before it becomes a bigger problem.
What Should You Expect from Your First Marriage Therapy Session?
Your first session is a chance for Andre to listen, not just to what you say, but to how you say it, what you avoid, and what your body language tells him that your words do not. You will not be pushed into anything uncomfortable. The focus is on helping both partners feel safe enough to begin opening up. Many couples leave the first session already feeling a sense of relief just from being heard.
